Bert Oliva

I Don’t Like Me When I’m Angry

By Bert Oliva

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I have to admit, I get angry at times. There are moments when something happens or someone does something, and I get upset. I’m human. Anger is a normal emotional response to things. If you have ever met someone who says they do not get angry ever, then they are probably not being honest with themselves.

However, when I was younger, I would hold onto my anger in a righteous manner. I would almost feed my grudge until it was larger than it originally was. It would take my energy for days and ruin my mood and even affect those around me. The worst part was, when I would run across the person who had so upset me to begin with days or weeks later, they were usually fine and going on with their life. I was the one who was stuck in the black hole of my own negativity.

We are all composed of energy. And unfortunately, negativity seems to affect us more easily and longer than positivity. That is, it tends to take more positivity and more awareness on our part to focus on the positive to combat all the negativity that is around us every day. This is even more vital if we are creating and feeding that own negativity within ourselves.

The Buddha is quoted as saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Holding onto anger truly only affects the one holding onto it. The other people can choose to move on with their lives, but in order for you to, you must let it go.

PowerTools™
1) Are you holding onto any grudges right now? If so, it’s time to let it go. Realize it is in the past and focus on the positive.

2) The next time you get upset, allow yourself to feel it but then let it go. Do not feed the anger or keep making it bigger in your head. Remember, not everything will go your way all the time and that is okay.

3) For the next 21 days, wake up each morning and say one thing you are grateful for. Throughout the day, focus on that positive thing.



Live Life,
Bert Oliva

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Bert Oliva

One Of Those Days…

By Bert Oliva

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So my day today was not an easy one, but during a moment of reflection today, I started thinking about my blog post from yesterday, in which I started out with the line, “Ever have one of those days?”

Why is it that that phrase is automatically negative? Why is it that when someone asks you that question, your mind races toward the worst day you’ve ever had? Why can’t we ever have “one of those happy, awesome, fantastic days”? Why is it so ingrained in us to thing negatively?

Researchers have found that 80% of our daily thoughts are negative. That’s about 45,000 negative thoughts per day. These are known as Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) because most of these thoughts happen without us fully being aware of them. Our brains also process negative thoughts differently than positive ones; negative feelings tend to involve more thought processing. Studies have also shown that psychologically speaking, most people view negative people as being smarter.

So, just why are we so prone to think about the negative? Is it human nature or something we’ve been conditioned to do over time thanks to society? Many researchers believe that this Negativity Bias comes from our evolution. They believe we tend to think pessimistically because it ensures our survival; the more scared we are to do things, the less likely we are to get hurt.

Though, I venture to argue the opposite. The more scared we are to do things, the less likely we are to take chances and grow and succeed. Nothing is accomplished by sitting around worrying all of the time about things that have not happened but could possibly happen. Whether you believe your future is set or not, you must agree that the only time we can actually work in is now—the past is behind us and our future has not happened—it is only our present that is available. And if we spend our present focusing on the negative, we will never get anywhere.

I challenge you to go out and change this. Look for the positive in every single situation that comes your way this week. No matter what it is you are facing, there is something positive there. You may have to dig for it, but it is there.

Now go out and have “one of those days.” Make it amazing and awesome and one-of-a-kind. Make it one of those unforgettably, unbelievably incredible days!

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

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