“You need to work on…” “You’re doing great but…” “Will you try to be more…” How well do you take constructive criticism? Do you take everything personally? Or do you take it for what it is and learn something from it?
I had a coaching student who was way too sensitive for her own good. She took everything everyone said so personally that at times she was not able to get anything she needed to accomplished.
I explained something to her that seemed to really put things into perspective. I explained that she was just not that important. That she was not the center of everyone’s world. That is, for the most part, she was not others’ primary focus.
As much as she took things personally, she shouldn’t because at least seventy-five percent of the time those people whom she felt had offended her or were upset with her, didn’t even notice whatever they said or did. She took the slightest facial expression and the slightest word to be the end of the world. It was quite something.
And when someone was truly giving her constructive criticism, her world seemed to fall apart and she got stuck on the criticism for hours rather than taking it in, learning from it, and moving on.
The underlying part of this was her self-esteem of course. She had such low self-esteem and was so worried about pleasing everyone around her that she become slightly paranoid. She thought every little thing was a slight against her. It was not.
Now, the odds are that you are not as overly sensitive as this person was, but more than likely you do have your oversensitive moments, perhaps even hours or days. We all do. However, the next time you find yourself feeling like everyone in your vicinity is “out to get you” or is purposely hurting you, remember one very key fact: you just aren’t that important.
So stop taking things so personally. Take in the messages and lessons others give you, but don’t let anyone’s statements or actions dictate how you feel about yourself. You are the only one who can decide for you. Go out and live your life, enjoy it, and Make It Happen!
Live Life,
Bert Oliva
