Judge – Bert Oliva

Don’t Spit Up

By Bert Oliva

28
SEP

This weekend, I took my family boating in the Florida Keys. The sun was shining and it was a gorgeous day. The water was a little choppy but not too bad. I got behind the helm and headed to the turquoise blue waters of the shallow sand bar a ways off the shore. When we got there, one of my passengers had turned green. She was terribly seasick.

As I helped her get a life vest on to get herself into the water and find her equilibrium, I jokingly said, “So you don’t have your sea legs huh?” I even filmed her and joked about it. It was all in good fun and she was a good sport though she was so ill.

Soon after, I got in the water to swim for a bit myself. When I got out and back on the boat, my world start spinning and my stomach started doing flip flops. I could not stop it if I tried. It took all my concentration not to lose my lunch. I felt helpless and dizzy. After all the years of me driving boats, I had my first experience with seasickness myself.

This story is a prime example of a phrase I use often: “Don’t Spit Up.” It means not to say something that may come back at you later. I definitely “spit up” when I toyed with my loved one over her pain. I didn’t do anything really hurtful or mean. Our relationship has always been one of jokes, but I personally had never experience seasickness before. I did not realize just how intense it can be and how quickly it can overtake you.

I truly try my best not to rush to judgment of others (though I do slip up from time to time), because you really can’t make a call on someone else’s situation. You really can not know what another person is feeling or experiencing, until you walk a mile in their shoes yourself. So, it’s best not to make a quick judgment call unless you have all the facts. I’m not saying you need to always have first hand experience in order to empathize with another person, but whenever possible, you should at least take the time to imagine yourself in their place. Imagine what they are feeling and thinking. And, whenever possible, simply ask them.

When you rush to judgment, you run a greater risk of “spitting up.” And remember, what goes up, has to come down, and it may just come back down on you.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Shameless

By Bert Oliva

4
APR

A few summers ago, my family and I were on vacation in Venice and my then 14-year-old daughter got up in front of a crowd of complete strangers and sang a song. Not so well, I might add. But the fact that she did it, unprompted, and completely unabashedly, made everyone in the crowd cheer for her. I could not have been a prouder father had she been graduating from Harvard Law Summa Cum Laude. Why? Because she was completely herself and was shining at her brightest.

It seems ironic as we age and technically “come to know ourselves” more we actually lose a lot of ourselves to shame and shyness. With responsibilities and bills, so-called “respectfulness” and “propriety” seem to set in. We start worrying about “who might see” and “what will they think.”

Who is this amorphous “they”? Who is this all-knowing judge sitting at the sidelines of our lives judging every step we take?

Everyone judges everyone. All of the time. And honestly, most of the time, when people are judging you it is because they are jealous that you had the guts to go out and do something they did not. So, if you’re going to be judged anyways, shouldn’t you at least have fun?

Oftentimes, the biggest judge is actually us. We hold ourselves back because we are embarrassed or we don’t want to make fools of ourselves. But how often do we hold ourselves back from having the time of our lives?

I am an incredibly shy person. A shy professional speaker might seem like an oxymoron, but it’s the truth. In my everyday doings, I am quiet and reserved. So when I saw my daughter singing to the world with all her might, not only was I proud of her, she taught me something. She reminded me that the most important part of life is enjoying it. And you truly can not enjoy it if you are always worrying what other people think. Just be yourself and sing loud and proud. Those who love you will love you more, and those who judge you will be jealous of the fun you’re having.

PowerTools™
1)The next time you immediately find yourself saying “No” to an opportunity even though somewhere inside you want to say “Yes,” take a moment to breathe.

2) Ask yourself “What’s the worst that can happen if I say ‘Yes’?” Usually, the so-called consequences are not much. Perhaps a little embarrassment, if that.

3) Now ask yourself “Will I regret it tomorrow if I say ‘No’?” Life is too short for regret. If you will have even a little regret tomorrow, you should definitely take a chance and go for it.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Posts Tagged 'Judge'

Don’t Spit Up

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